Damned celebrations
by Morloth
Summary: Poor Severus suffers a drunken McGonagall… one short as requested


An

An. I'm dyslectic so a lot of miss spelt words will appear, I beg you to bare with me. I don't own these characters. And I'm only doing this because I was asked to, I don't know by who but they called themselves "em".

**Damned celebrations.**

Snape hated New Year celebrations. He hated all celebrations. It was just one of those events when the ever so good headmaster dragged everyone out to celebrate, no objections allowed.

He sipped his drink. It was spiked. He had a cold feeling he knew how the culprit was, as he glanced over at his number one suspect he shuddered.

Most who knew her acquaintance would never suspect it to be her. She was such a tidy and no-nonsense person. They forgot her Scottish blood, And her Irish blood …and there were probably Scandinavian in there too. A common prejudice against Scandinavians is that they are sombre people, who are up stiff and tidy…. but put a bottle in front of them and they will most defiantly have to drink it all up. No Scandinavian fest with out everybody drunk. The same assumptions about the Irish and the Scottish, except for the up-tight part—prejudges or no prejudges McGonagall was living proof.

Severus sighed as Minerva McGonagall swung from professor Sprout's neck. The deputy headmistresses' hat hung askew and her glasses tilted the opposite way. Her normally tight bun was slightly ruffled and several strands of hair had broken lose. Poor professor Sprout had Minerva about an inch from her face shuddering about something. The nearly empty whisky bottle which hung from the woman's hand indicated that she would have a sever hangover the next day.

He looked away from her. He had been a professor here now for three years. More years would come. The war was over and all was peace.

He sipped his drink thinking of the late James Potter's kid who saved them all… what could the kid be now. Six? Five? Who cares…?

A limp arm swung around his neck and a foul odour of alcohol reached his nostrils

"Weeelll…hello there handsome." Minerva McGonagall slurred in to his ear.

"Good evening Minerva" he said not looking at his former respected teacher now overly drunk college.

"Whating for fireworks are we?" she slurred on. "You always did like pretty thingsh"

He didn't answer her. She was bothering him. She was suppose to be a sensible person… not this! It was making him uncomfortable. He needed to get her of before she become more unpredictable… and Severus didn't like unpredictable things. He needed order and logic or his world shattered.

"You know…" she slurred, forcing his head sideways so she could look him in the eyes. "...You have a really pretty nosy-wosy" and with that she raised her unsteady hand slowly and with a really wobbly aim she poked his nose saying "tooooooot"

She looked very happy with her achievement.

Severus whimpered. The killing curse would be so nice to legalize right about now…

He thanked all the stars he could see that no students celebrated new years with the staff, his embarrassment was too great.

"ehem…why thank you Minerva…" he said trying to sound like she complemented his "_nosy-wosy"_ like this all the time.

She held a tight grip around his neck firmly… no chance of escape.

He looked at her pissed appearance and sighed. She was a pain. But since he seemed to be stuck with her…

He raised his hand and straightened out her glasses.

"Oh...Tatsh why everything was so blurry…"

He looked at her sympathetically. "Yes Minerva that was why…"

She began to giggle. 'Oh NO not the giggling!'

She tilted forward so all her weight hung from his neck. She giggled.

Great now he would have sore neck when he woke up…

He tried to meet some ones eye but not a chance they would help. it was his turn this year.

He cursed them all.

She wiped her eyes from joyous tears, but as she did so she forgot about the bottle she was holding and she ended up pouring out all the remaining liquid on Severus.

The killing curse upon him didn't seem like a bad idea.

"oopsh… schorry about that" she said looking down the bottle to see if all really had escaped on to his robe.

"Not to worry Minerva." he sighed.

Her face swung towards him and he thought for a second she was going to kiss him but her face stopped at an inch from his face.

"What'sh your new year's reshcolution going to be?" she slurred.

He stared at her

"I don't have one."

She hit him playfully with the empty bottle "Oooh come on Severush eeeeveryone'sh got one!"

"Really… what's yours then?" he asked trying to make her focus on something else.

"Drink lessh shag more," she slurred triumphantly.

Severus went green, who in their right mind would ever consider pounding her bones?

"re...really…eh...how...eh...interesting.." he faked a smile. It didn't hurt…much.

"I shay…your reshcolution should also be fucking more…"

He felt faint. She wasn't implying what he thought she was implying. He gulped. Throw her of the balcony? It wouldn't be punishable... it was in self-defence!

"yesch.. I think it would be right reshcolution for you… considering how stiff you are all the time…your halfh there all ready!" she laughed heartily and hit him with the bottle again.

He tried to smile and give a polite snicker.

"asch long asch you don't hope to get it on with me.." she wiggled her hips in a drunken attempt to be suggestive. Severus could feel the feast's food trying to re enter his mouth. He fought for control. Don't run and don't scream, don't run and don't scream, don't run and don't scream…

"..I have larger fisch to hump than you my boy..." she said and winked at him.

Maybe if he dived of the balcony, he would die from the fall…

"eh…yes.. Minerva I shall remember that..."

Her face was deadly close.

"Don't be schad, there will be shome other girl for you"

And with that she locked his head and kissed him. Her icky, old lips touching his.

She killed him, she was secretly a dementor and now he was dead. She released him from her deadly smooth and staggered away to find her next victim.

He made a gagging sound. Dumbledore walked over to him.

"Having fun Severus?"

"I just got violated by Minerva…"

Dumbledore side wistfully and looked dreamily at her slung across madam Hooch neck.

"Yes... She's quite the vixen isn't she?"

Severus stared at the headmaster and tried once again not to throw up.

Just how many more years could he take with this?


End file.
